BY PHIL ITALIANO
FUCKEDVILLE, USA — It’s Friday, the world is still a flaming dumpster full of assholes, lies, and overpriced energy drinks, and I’m happy to be ranting about shit again, even if it’s just once a week now. First off, the Nobel Committee did the unthinkable and said, “Fuck you, Trump,” awarding the Peace Prize to María Corina Machado, because apparently the guy who thinks peace is a brand of his own ego isn’t Nobel material. The only thing peaceful about him is the old-age-induced narcoleptic nap he takes between ego tantrums. Meanwhile, the government decided that shutting down essential services was a brilliant idea, handing out pink slips to federal workers and leaving soldiers wondering if they’ll get paid this month. Yeah, nothing screams competence like telling the people keeping the country running to go fuck themselves while everything slowly burns.